


Every Single Day

by armored_alchemist



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Disillusionment, M/M, Roy x Ed - Freeform, Sad, laws vs love, royed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 10:42:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12209607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/armored_alchemist/pseuds/armored_alchemist
Summary: "I looked at Roy, studying every line in his face. He was aging, and so was I. But we loved each other. He was a man with goals, and he wasn't going to stop until he saw them through.At twenty-four years old, I finally understood, and I cried from my heart. How childish I'd been."





	Every Single Day

He resisted, and I pushed even harder against him, desperate for attention.

"God Damn it, Fullmetal!" He didn't yell, for fear of others hearing, but the intent was clear enough. He pushed me off. "Not. Now."

The look in his eyes, disgust and anger, caused me to pause a moment.

I scoffed. "Not now, not ever. That's what it's been for the last month."

Sighing deeply, he explained. "Listen, I'm gonna be straightforward. I love you, Edward, I do. However, were word of this to reach our higher-ups' ears, we might both lose our jobs." He took both my flesh hands and looked up at me, pleading. "You understand, don't you? I can't afford it. This isn't just a job for me, this is my career; my whole life is built around it. Please."

I fought the tears. "And you're ashamed of me. You don't want anyone to know. You're ashamed of me."

The momentary kindness melted off his face. "No I'm not. We've already discussed this." He dropped my hands like a bad habit.

He was then silent, and so were my tears.

"Why don't we have an open relationship?" He spoke up suddenly.

"What?" 

"I said," he said, still not looking at me, "why don't we have an open relationship. You know what that entails, don't you?"

I shook my head.

He finally had to look towards me and I shook my head once more.

"We'll still be in a relationship, but if we need to see other people, we can, with the understanding that we still love each other."

"Why would we need that? I don't wanna see anyone else."

A flash of something glinted in his eyes, but it may have just been light. "I can't satisfy you the way I'd like, with love or body, so if you need to see someone else, you can."

Oh my Gate. I could not believe this. I was angry - so, so angry - but it stemmed from hurt, undeniably the worst and most destructive form of anger.

"Are you giving me permission to fuck another man? Or yourself, to go back to your whores?" Oh, I meant whores. He had quite the reputation down at the local brothel. Nickname? Raven Stallion.

I don't even think I registered the slap until the sound reached my ears and I realized I was looking sideways.

He immediately apologized. At that point I didn't care how much emotion I saw in his eyes. They were still black. Black as death. Cold, and black.

Hot as fire yet cold as stone.

I yelled as loud as I could. I ripped the papers on his desk to shreds like my heart. I threw the paperweights and books against the wall and on the floor. I took the couch cushions and tore them with my teeth. I kicked the window out with my metal foot. In short, I had a breakdown.

Eventually the ranting devolved into a single mantra: I hate you.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you," I said, curled up into a fetal ball in the corner.

Yes, I was crying like a baby. This is exactly the reason I never let anything out, because it ALL comes out, and I have no control when it decides to rear its ugly head.

He walked over and I didn't know if he was gonna slap me again or what.

A pair of strong arms wrapped around me tightly. He pulled me close and I regained my senses, hugging him back. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll fix it with alchemy."

"No, don't."

"No, no, I'll fix it, then I'll leave. You won't even know I exist. I might go visit Al in Xing. In fact, here." I pulled back and handed him my State Alchemist watch.

Even though I was a Colonel now, and the State Alchemist group had been disbanded, they'd let us keep our watches (as memoirs, I suppose). Relinquishing it would be a symbol of quitting. Roy realized this.

General Mustang handed it back. "Keep it. You're not quitting. This is your life too, Fullmetal."

I sniffled. "You used to call me Edward, back when you loved me."

He kissed me, and although it wasn't the same old spark, it was similar. A closer attempt than it had been for a long time - longer than a month, but a month ago was when I stopped brushing the ever-growing distance off as nothing and was able to finally admit it to myself.

"That almost felt like the old days. Remember those? They were nice."

"I do remember." He got up and closed the curtain.

"I know, I know. Nobody's allowed to see."

I felt my spirit sinking into depression. Later when the workday had ended, I was probably gonna lock myself in a dark closet and have at it with a nice sharp blade. Not on my wrists. On my leg. Automail is quite advantageous at times. I used to transmute the scars away when I could, until I couldn't anymore; then I realized I preferred their permanence, much like the wounds etched into my soul.

He'd stood at the window for a moment, then turned to face me.

"Edward." That's all he said as he picked up one of the papers I'd ripped.

What I had promised earlier came back and I shook my head, apologizing. "I always forget, sorry. Can't do that anymore. To get little brother's body back, I had to give up my alchemy."

He squatted next to me and held it out, presumably for me to read.

I gasped.

Becoming a colonel meant I had to learn all the complex terminology used in legal documents. That being said, I knew exactly what this was.

A law to legalize homosexuality.

"I keep it on my desk as motivation. When I become Führer, it's the first law I'm passing. The second, fraternization. The third, polyamory."

I gazed at Roy, studying every line in his face, and it dawned on me what he meant. He was...old. And aging more every day. So was I. But we loved each other. He was a man with goals and he wasn't going to stop until he saw them through.

'This isn't just a job for me, this is my career; my whole life is built around it.' His words. He could very well be sixty years old before he became president, and older still before the laws took effect.

Life wasn't a fantasy, a beautiful love story with a Prince Charming coming to sweep me away into the sunset. There was no immediate gratification.

Maybe we don't get married. Maybe we don't get a happy ending.

I finally understood. At twenty-four years old, I finally understood, and I cried from my heart. How childish I'd been.

He rubbed my back up and down. "You understand, don't you."

"Yes." I swallowed. "It's for me, but you can only do so much. You're trying so hard."

Roy leaned his head down in my hair. "Every single day, Edward.


End file.
